—for James Daniels, MD (1938-2001)
We were three men alone in a ward
room
built for fifty, a film of dust on the
floor,
Dr Daniels and I scrubbed and sterile,
gloved and gowned, standing behind
the patient,
our only light drifting though the dirty
glass windows. I performed the
prep—
Betadine soaked into a sponge,
painting
orange circles on the patient’s back,
the room
filled with the scent of young wine
poured too soon
from the cask. Week after week we
practiced
on anonymous blue-collar veterans,
everything ordered and routine until
that day Dr Daniels pressed the
needle deep
and failed to find the spot, four
times, five,
finally giving up and passing it to
me.
I can still see the angle of the shaft
when I pierced the patient’s skin,
the thin
shadow it cast on his back like a
sundial,
gold droplets of spinal fluid dripping
into a sterile tube, the look Dr
Daniels
flashed me, just like my father's
that day he parked on the shoulder
at rush hour and handed me the
keys.
Dr Berlin is associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Massachusetts Medical School in Worcester. Dr Berlin recently established the Gerald F. Berlin Creative Writing Award at the University of Massachusetts Medical School, one of only a few medical student creative writing prizes in the United States.