
- Vol 30 No 11
- Volume 30
- Issue 11
We Are All at Least a Little Lost and Off-Putting: On Transformation
We avoid a basic aspect of human existence-namely, we are all a little lost and not knowing, and we had better accept this. In reminding our patients that the worst fate in life is not to suffer-but to suffer alone-we also remind ourselves.
As I approach my 80th year in life, I have come to the conclusion that we avoid a basic aspect of human existence-namely, we are all a little lost and not knowing, and we had better accept this. This is so whether it is the brash young man this morning who challengingly cuts in front of me to turn left when I thought I had the right of way at a 4-way intersection; an academic pundit who presumptuously affirms what addictive illness is or is not about (a matter that I have studied and pondered about for over 5 decades); the interminable standoffs of entrenched politicians unable to come to terms to make our society work better; or the chilling remoteness of the privileged, famous, and wealthy.
Instead of facing this fundamental reality, we posture in ways that counter the feelings of loneliness, uncertainty, and powerlessness that are so basic to our nature. Some strut with attitudes of invincibility, which, for example, can be the lot of high-performing athletes. The intellectually gifted speak with unfettered certainty about whatever is on their minds. Those unfortunate among us have endured childhood trauma, deprivation, and neglect; in adolescence and adulthood, they may adopt uncaring and troubling solutions of violence, the gang, or addiction to express or hide their vulnerability and the inescapable distresses and pain that are so much a part of life.
Maybe it is because I am a first-generation American, born shortly after my parents came to America. Perhaps it was because of and despite the trauma my parents had experienced in the first genocide of the
For all I know, the young man who cut me off was simply oblivious to me and in a hurry, but I suspect not. The academic who rigidly sticks to his ideas about the
The human tendency to posture insensitively, arrogantly, imperially, and all-knowingly precludes us from facing and dealing with the lonely, confusing, and inescapably painful realities of human existence. I commonly remind my patients, especially in group therapy, that the worst fate in life is not to suffer; the worst fate is to suffer alone. It boils down to the challenges of creating in our own lives, and in society in general, multiple contexts, groups, and arrangements-therapeutic and otherwise-that foster meaningful and comforting connections and contacts with each other.
Individuals in recovery have learned this lesson well. Their AA meetings succeed in removing the offending agent (the alcohol) and, more importantly, the fellowship fosters personality growth that transforms them into more mature, caring, and altruistic people. Wouldn’t this suit us all better as individuals and as a society?
Disclosures:
Dr Khantzian is Clinical Professor of Psychiatry, Harvard Medical School in Boston, and President and Chairman, Board of Directors, Physician Health Services of the Massachusetts Medical Society in Waltham, Mass. He is in private practice and specializes in addiction psychiatry.
Articles in this issue
almost 12 years ago
Rural Telepsychiatry: The Future Is Brightalmost 12 years ago
Augustinealmost 12 years ago
Diagnosing Psychiatric Disorders: The Synchronization of DSM-5 and ICD-10-CMalmost 12 years ago
Psychiatric Matters Germane, Timely…and Needed: Part 2almost 12 years ago
The Painted Bird: Stigma and Mental Illnessalmost 12 years ago
“Designer Drug” Use and Abuse: Implications for Psychiatristsalmost 12 years ago
Suicide Ratesabout 12 years ago
Psychiatry, Religion, and Suicideabout 12 years ago
Warning: Antidepressants May Cause Bank RobberyNewsletter
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