
- Vol 32 No 4
- Volume 32
- Issue 4
“Romance”-It’s So Cold Out There
Was the business of the heart always so heartless?
Three young people I love have all had their hearts broken in the past month.
There’s nothing new about broken hearts, but the electronic ingredients that were key to each of these 3 breakups added a unique 21st-century twist.
One of my “three” is in high school. In what now seem like the innocent pre-AIDS, pre-computer, (okay, pre-historic) days when I was in high school, you generally found out if your boyfriend was cheating if a friend told you she spotted him at the movies or mall with another girl. You didn’t find out by seeing a picture of him on Facebook or Instagram with somebody else the day after your big date. And neither did the rest of the world.
To get caught in those days pretty much meant you had to do your philandering locally. But your infidelities now can be pounced on halfway across the planet. Here’s (roughly) how one of my “three” promptly caught her cheater, who lives overseas.
“Mystery Woman” (A) posts and tags incriminating photo of Boyfriend (B) on Instagram, which C spots. C texts B, who texts that A is just a good friend. A Instagrams more photos. C messages A on Instagram: asks what’s up? C and A FaceTime. A tells all. A texts C screenshots of lurid and explicit e-mail exchanges between A and B. C FaceTimes B who still denies clear evidence. C “unfriends” B on Facebook and deletes him entirely from other apps.
A little electronic detective work and a willingness to confront all the painful details turned up a tale and trail of cruel and incontrovertible deceit. All those lies magnetically etched forever. C can’t-and didn’t- kid herself. She digitally subtracted B from her existence, but not from her heart.
The other two breakups both included spectacular digital knives to the heart. It’s tough out there.
I worry about my “three”-soon back to face the dating scene. That scene, at least in one popular bar in Manhattan’s Upper East Side, is described this way in a recent
Was the business of the heart always so heartless?
Surely there is a psychological dark side to this dating battleground? Not everyone looks like (name your favorite movie star). Is there pleasure or connection in being just one of several women he’s texting? Do you need a course in marketing yourself to get a date these days?
I know one thing: it’s great not to be 21 these days.
This article was originally posted on February 23, 2015 and has since been updated.
References:
1. Feuer A. On tinder, taking a swipe at love, or sex, or something, in New York. New York Times. February 13, 2015.
Articles in this issue
over 10 years ago
Introduction: The State of Addiction Psychiatryover 10 years ago
Opioid Use Disorder: Update on Diagnosis and Treatmentover 10 years ago
A Brief Review of Gambling Disorder and Five Related Case Vignettesover 10 years ago
An Update on Street and Club Drugs: What Clinicians Need to Knowover 10 years ago
Video Games: Recreation or Addiction?over 10 years ago
The Hoarding of Animals: An Updateover 10 years ago
Reflecting on the Spiritual Manover 10 years ago
Still AliceNewsletter
Receive trusted psychiatric news, expert analysis, and clinical insights — subscribe today to support your practice and your patients.