Psychiatrist Baseball Cards

April 14, 2014

I’d love to create a new set every year, our glossy portraits on one side, caduceus in the corner, honors, cure rates, and publications on the back...

I’d love to create a new set every year,

our glossy portraits on one side,

caduceus in the corner, honors,

cure rates, and publications on the back.

I would wrap the ten-packs in wax paper

and add old-timer bonus cards

of Freud, Bleuler, Kraepelin and Jung,

plus a flat pink square of bubble gum.

Of course, our work isn’t a game,

and my women patients hate sports

metaphors, but psychiatrist cards

might give us perspective: medical

boards track lawsuits and suicides,

not our grand slams, and lawyers

hold us hostage to perfection,

though baseball stats show only

twenty two perfect games pitched

since 1900. And if a player hits

just four times out of ten,

that forty percent success guarantees

a statue in the Hall of Fame.

So take heart, dear colleague, misses

and swings are part of The Show.

Grab your bat and glove, tap your cleats,

assume your favorite stance.

Fans in the waiting room are cheering,

the team photographer stands ready,

and the umpire dusting your diplomas

barks “Play Ball!”