Robbi M. Kulik

My poem was inspired by the grief I am experiencing after the loss of my youngest son to suicide. Grief is common to all, but I never knew that grief existed on such a scale as this. Only after 2 years am I able to begin addressing it. I am grateful and honored to be in the care of my psychiatrist, Melanie Conway, MD, who is helping me navigate this devastation. Cruelly enough, I was a psychiatric RN working in an acute care psychiatric hospital for adolescents when this tragedy occurred.

James Garrett Kulik, August 25, 1999-December 3, 2019. Photo by Robbi M. Kulik.

The sculpture, “Melancholy” by Albert Gyorgy, was a great inspiration to me, as well. I did not know of its existence until someone asked me how I was feeling shortly after losing my son. My answer was: “like there’s a 14-inch hole through the middle of me.” When I saw this sculpture for the first time, I was speechless.

I used the phrase, “God sees around the bend,” with my sons as they were growing up, hoping that the knowledge of this would be of comfort to them as it is to me. It was a pleasant happening that my poem ended with this phrase.

I am an adolescent psychiatric RN who is currently in school to obtain my master’s degree in psychiatric/mental health nursing. With this education and accreditation, I will continue to work with adolescents in psychiatric crisis in my own practice. I have used and will continue to use 

 as a resource in my profession, as I have gained many insights from it in my personal and professional life.

The world spun on without slowing that day

Like a merry-go-round I tried slowing it down

I now lifted the edge of my hand from my heart

But I noticed a scar beginning to form
that I had not noticed before

I’ll always wish I hadn’t been chosen

Articles

An adolescent psychiatric RN shares “Heavy Damage,” a poem about managing grief after losing a loved one to suicide.

Robbi M. Kulik

Articles

Grief After Suicide