The Best of Times in Turning 80

PSYCHIATRIC VIEWS ON THE DAILY NEWS

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch on incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.”

Sounds like our times, doesn’t it?

Instead, you may recognize that it is the famous quote from Charles Dickens novel “A Tale of Two Cities,” published in 1859. That just shows how nature—human and environmental—continue to intertwine in Gordian knots.

One difference in the times is that we are living much longer, both in England and the United States. That at least accounts for why so many boomers are turning 80 now.

I have been writing columns since the beginning of the New Year on turning 80, as I hopefully will turn to on May 5. I now realize that the topics have generally been downers: ageism, bad luck, illness, eulogies for loved ones and colleagues, medical aid in dying, and leadership limitations, among them. It took an unexpected touching weekend to realize the negative slant in this coverage, perhaps influenced by ageism.

So today, at the risk of some increased narcissism, I report on what seems to be a recent weekend experience of the best of aging. The 2 big issues for the weekend had to do with how well my life has been lived, along with the inevitable approaching of death and dying. One of the important tasks in approaching death and dying is to assess the important relationships you have had, especially family-wise, and what may still need processing and resolution.

Despite approaching 80, we can achieve some spring-like renewal.¹ Our years of learning from experience can also contribute to some increased wisdom.² Most importantly, as medical ethicist Ezekiel Emanuel’s new book emphasizes, is relationships.³ Sometimes, there is a great opportunity to review them in old age. There is even the opportunity for new friends, including among men. Some collegial relationships can continue and deepen.

I have already written and presented much about my wife Rusti, who also sings introductions to my weekly videos, to convey how grateful I am to have been with here for 60 years. One family relationship that I was always concerned about was my son, not due to him, but because I did not have a great relationship with my father and the ending when he died was not comforting to either one of us. Fortunately, I think I have done much better with my son, and he said over the weekend that he is now trying to put together some sort of surprise summary of my career for my 80th, even to somehow include my voice. A similar gratitude goes to our daughter. She and her son visited and plan to upgrade my stereo system for listening to my beloved and therapeutic music. Her younger daughter wrote that she saw and sent a picture of the name that her brother had given me as a baby, “Hey! Hey”, on the wall of Universal Studios on a spring break visit. Another granddaughter of my son had recently asked to go with me to a summer combined classical and rock music concert. And the last grandchild wanted me to hear her striking weekend cabaret performance. In the midst of all that family interaction, I had begun work on one of my annual American Psychiatric Association meeting presentations, which I am also planning to preview in this week’s video.

What deep satisfaction and gratitude there is to be alive to experience such family and work connections, especially as the weekend was bracketed by 3 physician appointments. And, as Shakespeare said: “there’s the rub.” At a time when life can come together so beautifully, you also know that the time to savor it is inevitably becoming shorter and shorter.

Love inevitably contains loss. The best of times can contain some anguish. Unalloyed good is rare, if impossible. Correspondingly, the worst of times contains seeds of renewal if we can courageously find and nourish them in ourselves and elsewhere. Somewhere in the dialectic is the way forward. Sometimes that is the main lesson of psychotherapy, especially in processing devastating trauma for posttraumatic growth.

When younger, it is hard to realize and embrace something like this existential paradox during a busy and often challenging life. But at any age, look for what you can do—for health, relationships, work, and justice—to set up more of the best of times for aging.

Dr Moffic is an award-winning psychiatrist who specializes in the social, cultural, ethical, spiritual, and religious aspects of psychiatry, and since 2012 is in retirement as a private pro bono community psychiatrist. A prolific writer and speaker, he has done a weekdays column titled “Psychiatric Views on the Daily News” and a weekly video, “Psychiatry & Society,” since the COVID-19 pandemic emerged. He has been an advocate and activist for mental health issues related to climate instability, physical burnout, and xenophobia, among other social justice causes, serving on many related local and national community and professional Boards. He serves on the Editorial Board of Psychiatric Times.

References

1. Agronin M. The End of Old Age: Living a Longer, More Purposeful Life. Da Capo Lifelong; 2018.

2. Jeste D. Wiser: The Scientific Roots of Wisdom, Compassion, and What Makes Us Good. St. Martin’s Essentials; 2020.

3. Emanuel EJ. Eat Your Ice Cream: Six Simple Rules for a Long and Healthy Life. W. W. Norton & Co; 2026.